BASH your life!

12/02/2007 10:08 AM (#27) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on MSN, w/ xantan+cal lord again

50.cal.lord: I'm a complete homosexual faggot who inserts my own penis into young looking moose.
ҖάπΨΛŋ: wow, why the fuck would you even consider telling someone like me something like that? That is the most childish attempt at displaying boldness that I have ever seen. I hope you get psychological help asap.
50.cal.lord says: ~If you ever want to cyber, let me know.

01/15/2010 0:46 AM by Bartimaeus (#1437) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on Real Life, ...P.S. My dad was a little drunk. XD

So, here I was...playing computer. My dad randomly asks me if I want to hear a joke. So, I'm like, yeah, sure. Here's the joke:

Dad: Right, so there's this guy with a glass eye. He's a very self-conscious person, and he doesn't like the fact that everyone knows it's a fake eye. His one eye goes over this way...and then the glass eye just goes all around. And people make fun of him for it.
Dad: So, he goes to his doctor, and tells him, "Doctor, I just HATE this glass eye. People make fun of it ALL the time." Doctor says, "Well...there is a way that we could replace it...the only thing would be that it's wood."
Dad: They do the surgery, get it replaced...etc, and it goes well. Immediately afterwards, the guy goes partying. He's dancing and stuff, and he's pleased because nobody can tell it's a fake. Then he sees this lady, who is sitting all alone. He notices that one of her legs is wooden, and then feels bad, because he can relate. So he walks up to the lady, and asks her if she would dance with him.
Lady: "Would I..!"
Guy: "Well, fuck you, peg-leg!"

06/12/2009 4:46 AM by Dekar (#84) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on IRC, FreeNode #freenet

<Colours> :( I cheated and moved /dev/random and linked /dev/random to /dev/urandom
<Colours> this probably makes me a terrible person
<mrsteveman1> yep
<mrsteveman1> alsa isn't that big
<mrsteveman1> i hear last time someone hacked random to point to urandom, tux visited his house
<mrsteveman1> it wasn't pretty

09/30/2010 6:25 AM (#1458) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on some other network, wc3edit chat

(00:19:30) FatherSpace: So, get any weird PMs?
(00:19:52) Bartimaeus: Yeah, from Cosmo.
(00:20:01) FatherSpace: Forward to me ploz?
(00:20:10) Bartimaeus: Why? ._.
(00:20:20) FatherSpace: I wanna see what he said.
(00:20:35) Bartimaeus: But why?
(00:20:47) FatherSpace: No particular reason...
(00:21:34) Bartimaeus: Give me a reason, and I'll do it.
(00:21:37) Bartimaeus: A reason that doesn't suck, though.
(00:22:36) FatherSpace: Hm... I convinced him you were black, and insisted that comments he made would offend you since you happen to read logs, and thus he should PM you an apology or something.
(00:22:57) FatherSpace: And by convinced, I mean told.
(00:23:24) Bartimaeus: Hahaha, excellent reason.
(00:23:27) Bartimaeus: I'm forwarding the PM.
(00:23:40) FatherSpace: <3

04/14/2008 2:34 PM (#55) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on Real Life, cheap carisoprodol

It's the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.

12/16/2007 5:18 PM (#36) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on ICQ

Pagani ‎(17:13):
inet on?
LCKain ‎(17:16):
yes
LCKain ‎(17:17):
lol

03/14/2009 4:40 AM (#76) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on IRC, FreeNode #gnunet

<Algyz> zerwas: ok, that's a known problem. Btw, will it be fixed one day?
<Algyz> GNU Generally Not Useable :D

11/07/2007 11:41 PM (#6) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on IRC

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

One comment

10/08/2012 1:03 AM (#1507) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on some other network, wc3edit.net chat

(19:59:56) UndeadxAssassin: Everything is racist to you :|
(20:00:52) UndeadxAssassin: If I said hi to Miget first, you'd call it racist.
(20:00:58) UndeadxAssassin: If I don't say hi to you, that's racism!
(20:01:12) UndeadxAssassin: If I say ur face looks as good as your taste in music, that's racism!
(20:01:15) UndeadxAssassin: game started
(20:01:19) UndeadxAssassin: Gonna be racist elsewhere.
(20:01:22) Bartimaeus: ...that's racist

06/30/2011 1:17 AM (#1493) | Rating: Click the stars to vote!
on Phone, wc3.edit

(15:09:21) ChatBot: GeorgeMots logs out of the Chat.
(15:10:32) Shigekazu: My George is gone :(
(15:10:44) Shigekazu: now i'm stuck with you losers
(15:10:48) Shigekazu: jk jk <3
(15:10:51) Shigekazu: <3 all of you
(15:11:22) ChatBot: (735319) logs into the Chat.
(15:37:55) ChatBot: GeorgeMots logs into the Chat.
(15:38:11) GeorgeMots: Im back having internet issues
(15:38:30) Shigekazu: I missed you
(15:38:45) GeorgeMots: already?
(15:38:50) GeorgeMots: well hold on a sec
(15:39:04) GeorgeMots: Read this
(15:39:04) GeorgeMots: http://forum.wc3edit.net/general​-chat-f7/i-m-away-i-m-back-topic-​t6199-360.html#p148405
(15:39:56) Shigekazu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOOOOOOOOO
(15:40:57) Shigekazu: Cooking 3 months straight?
(15:42:57) Shigekazu: They made girls for a reason.
(15:43:09) GeorgeMots: yes :D
(15:44:01) Shigekazu: How am I supposed to ride my ostrich to battle without Epic George?
(15:44:15) Shigekazu: Or pee on the curve of the toilet to make less noise.
(15:44:39) (735319): @George: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/28467113​/Readme
(15:45:01) (735319): Had to write a readme for some filesystem I developed at university
(15:45:16) (735319): And I feel like it is pretty hilarious
(15:45:38) Shigekazu: I'm not opening that virus ;O
(15:46:05) (735319): it's a text file -.-
(15:46:21) Shigekazu: the worst ones
(15:53:05) Shigekazu: so uhh..
(15:53:14) Shigekazu: You found a text file hilarious?